MitsubishiGirl
05-10-2004, 03:10 PM
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his latex gloves.
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked
"No, I don't", she replied
"Well, there's a building in Mexico with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size"
She didn't crack a smile.
"Oh well, I tried", he thought.
But 5 minutes later, during the procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked
"I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"
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NOW THAT'S COLD
Two women outside the Pearly Gates compare stories of how they died.
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating, so I rushed home early, knowing I'd catch him. But I found him alone in the den watching t.v.
1st woman: So what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure he had a woman there somewhere that I ran all through the house looking. I ran up to the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I tore through every closet, crawled under every bed...I kept this up until I finally became so exhausted, I just keeled over with a heart attack and died!
1st woman: You should have looked in the freezer. Then we'd both still be alive.
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FINAL FUNNIES
Two straight-A Purdue students felt confident they could go to Chicago and party the weekend before the Monday chemistry final exam and get back in time Sunday to study.
They had a great time in Chicago, but when Sunday came they overslept and didn't make it back to campus until Monday morning.
Since they were unprepared for the exam, they came up with a plan. They told the professor they had gotten a flat tire on the way back from Chicago, the spare was flat, they couldn't get help, and were too late getting back to campus to study.
To the boys' surprise, the professor agreed they could take the exam the following day. The boys were elated, and they studied the entire night.
The next day, when they returned to take the exam, the professor put them in spearate rooms and handed each a test.
The first question was a simple question worth five points. "Cool" they thought, This is going to be a breeze.
The were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page.
2. (95 points) Which tire?
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked
"No, I don't", she replied
"Well, there's a building in Mexico with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size"
She didn't crack a smile.
"Oh well, I tried", he thought.
But 5 minutes later, during the procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked
"I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"
-----------------------------------------------------
NOW THAT'S COLD
Two women outside the Pearly Gates compare stories of how they died.
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating, so I rushed home early, knowing I'd catch him. But I found him alone in the den watching t.v.
1st woman: So what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure he had a woman there somewhere that I ran all through the house looking. I ran up to the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I tore through every closet, crawled under every bed...I kept this up until I finally became so exhausted, I just keeled over with a heart attack and died!
1st woman: You should have looked in the freezer. Then we'd both still be alive.
------------------------------------------------
FINAL FUNNIES
Two straight-A Purdue students felt confident they could go to Chicago and party the weekend before the Monday chemistry final exam and get back in time Sunday to study.
They had a great time in Chicago, but when Sunday came they overslept and didn't make it back to campus until Monday morning.
Since they were unprepared for the exam, they came up with a plan. They told the professor they had gotten a flat tire on the way back from Chicago, the spare was flat, they couldn't get help, and were too late getting back to campus to study.
To the boys' surprise, the professor agreed they could take the exam the following day. The boys were elated, and they studied the entire night.
The next day, when they returned to take the exam, the professor put them in spearate rooms and handed each a test.
The first question was a simple question worth five points. "Cool" they thought, This is going to be a breeze.
The were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page.
2. (95 points) Which tire?